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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24110764">Always here</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniTsubasa/pseuds/DaniTsubasa'>DaniTsubasa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Guardians of the Galaxy [34]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Guardiões da Galáxia (filmes)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angustía, Drama, F/M, Morte de personagem, Romance, amizade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:06:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,920</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24110764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniTsubasa/pseuds/DaniTsubasa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Gamora's death, nightmares about her or scenarios of her death became commonplace for Peter, confusing the Star Lord's mind to the point of taking him aimlessly walking through Benatar in the middle of the night. Usually he woke up from the confusion between reality and dream when he reached the deck, where he painfully remembered that the two used to watch the stars alone at night.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gamora/Peter Quill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Guardians of the Galaxy [34]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1739413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Always here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The cover photo was published on instagram by "disneyholicxx". These actors play Starmora at Disneyland Paris. The chapter's fanart belongs to Fennethianell.<br/> </p><p>Guardians of the Galaxy and their characters don't belong to me. I leave the credits to Marvel and James Gunn.</p><p>*This same story was put by me on Nyah Fanfiction.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>                Peter woke up in the middle of the night without remembering what had been disturbing him so much that wouldn't let him sleep. The last battle had ended him. What battle was it? Where? He was too sleepy to remember. Looking at the other side of the bed, he didn't see Gamora beside him, and still dizzy he got up to go to the deck, wondering how he could have grown so tired that he even felt sick.</p><p>                Arriving at his destination he woke up to find something different than he expected. It was usually here that he found her when one of them couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake the other. There was no one there. Peter was lost for several seconds without being able to remember what was a nightmare and what was real. It was when he sat in Gamora's chair that reality hit him like a punch, and immediately depressed him, bringing a chest pain and tears in his eyes.</p><p>                Since the war in which they defeated Thanos along with the Avengers, he woke up every dawn, and nightmares about her and what happened had become commonplace. And it didn't get easier with each passing day. They were still on Earth, they were due to leave soon. And after so many years, of everything he imagined, Peter had no desire to explore his planet. He wanted to do this, with all the Guardians, with her. And now he had no idea how he would continue to lead the team if his life seemed to have no purpose. The first person he always knew he would choose to lead the Guardians if something happened to him would be Gamora, and she wasn't here. She had always been the heart of the team, caring for them with their necessary reprimands at certain times, and with the enormous love that she didn't even know she had.</p><p>                The Starlord was sorry when he heard footsteps and realized that he had attracted someone with his crying. All he wished for now was that it wasn't Rocket or Drax, despite how understanding everyone was being with each other now.</p><p>                “ Peter?” Mantis's voice called out to him softly, and his younger sister's soft steps stopped beside him.</p><p>                He didn't stop Mantis when she touched the top of his head. She was silent for longer than usual and took a deep breath, with a note of suffering in her voice.</p><p>                “I'm so sorry,” that's all she said.</p><p>                “I woke up exhausted from another insomnia session,” Peter started, keeping his tone low. “And when I arrived I remembered that she isn’t here.”</p><p>                Peter stood up and looked at the empty room. Mantis looked at him in silence. Nothing could comfort that pain.</p><p>                “Don't do this, please,” Peter asked when he remembered Mantis' tendency to use her powers to make them feel better when something saddened them.</p><p>                “How can I help you?” She asked.</p><p>                Peter heard the same sadness and a beginning of crying in her voice, and it wasn't just for him, Mantis wasn't touching him now.</p><p>                “I ...” he tried to breathe. “I am the leader of this team. I should ask you that.”</p><p>                “You know what she would say if she heard you say that.”</p><p>                “I know, I know,” he murmured, allowing himself to cry again.</p><p>                The embrace in which Mantis enveloped him was proof of how much she had grown up in the years with them, and Gamora had been so important in that. Mantis trusted Drax and Gamora a lot. She loved all Guardians, but Drax and Gamora were almost like mentors to her. Peter hugged his sister back, feeling her cry even more now. There were no words that could comfort this, or any promising future that could heal the pain they felt.</p><p>                Peter was startled for a moment when he felt Drax's hand on his shoulder, Nebula's hand on the other, heard the saddest <em>I am Groot</em> the young man had ever said in his life accompanied by crying, and Rocket's paw held his leg. He didn't hear them coming and didn't ask if they had heard him. None of them said anything. And Peter was grateful, so grateful, but he didn't try to say anything. None of them needed words now.</p><p>******</p><p>
  
  <em>“Not him!!” Gamora shouted when Peter automatically aimed the blaster at Thanos' face. “You promised,” she cried in despair, pain and all the worst feelings she had ever felt in her life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                “You expect too much of him, my daughter,” Thanos spoke cynically, and all Gamora wanted to do now was tear the titan to pieces with all the wrath worthy of the most dangerous assassin in the galaxy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                For a few seconds she watched Peter go undecided, saw pain, confusion and panic flicker in his clear eyes, and finally he lowered the blaster towards her. It was like being stabbed in the chest to see the terrible pain in his eyes when he did that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                “I told you to go to the right,” Peter's voice shook with crying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                “I love you more than anything,” Gamora told him, her voice trembling for the same reason as he was, endlessly regretting that she hadn't told him that more often every day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                “I love you too.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                One of the things Peter never imagined in his life is that saying these words to her would hurt so much that it would become physical pain. And he knew that if they were alone in the peace and quiet of his bedroom in Benatar he would say much more, he would speak in a thousand ways how much he loved her, he would speak again of the wonderful being that she always was, and somehow he would convince her to dance with him. What mattered most to him in his life was now one step away from being taken from him forever, and Peter would rather die than having to do this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                 Gamora knew that in a normal situation he would talk a lot more about it, he would show her that charming smile that always made her melt inside, and probably he would convince her to dance with him, and in the meantime he would tell her again how happy he was for having her in his life, and he would speak with the most beautiful words of the wonderful being that she was. A single sentence, short and simple, made difficult by tears, was proof of the immense pain that Peter was feeling. And whether she died today or not, she would never forgive Thanos for that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                She was about to beg again for him to do it quickly, but she saw him hold the trigger and looked at him deeply for a few seconds, for the last time. If her Star Lord was the last thing she would see, she would leave this life in peace, however harsh and cruel it may have been at various times. She was happy to meet the Guardians, she was grateful to be a part of them, proud of how much each of them grew up in the years together, and what it felt like to have belonged again somewhere, for each day she was cared for and loved by all of them , especially by Peter, was something too big for words. She wanted to see Groot grow, she wanted to see Rocket becoming a gentler being with every battle they went through, however much he tried to hide it, she wanted to see Mantis learning to deal with the universe beyond Ego, she wanted to see Drax overcome his past and be happier every day, she wanted to continue watching the stars hugging Peter every night while he stroked her hair and looked at her with the most beautiful smile she had ever seen, and the two talked about countless things. Gamora wanted to live more than ever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                The zehoberi saw Peter try to pull the trigger three times without success. The excruciating pain in his gaze tortured her, despite how blurred her vision was by tears. Gamora blinked to wipe her eyes while she still had time, she wanted to see him when the time came. As she said when they faced Ronan years ago, she would be grateful to die like that. She locked her gaze with his for a last moment, nodded slowly and positively to encourage him, and heard Peter utter a scream of agony and despair when he finally pulled the trigger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                Gamora wanted to talk to him with what was left of her conscience, to tell him that she was at peace and that she would be fine, that he was the best thing that happened to her, and that he would be able to move on. But the shot in the chest held her voice in the throat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                Peter saw her try to smile before her brown eyes closed and her head drooped down as blood stained her clothes. He ignored Thanos' screams and threats. If the titan wanted to kill him, let him do it. The rest of the team would have time to escape in the meantime. Peter knew he should stay strong, he should continue for them, but he wasn't as strong as his Gamora, he would never have the courage she had until the last second of her life. He threw his blaster away with a frustrated scream, daring to increase Thanos' ire when he bent down beside the body of the second woman he loved most in his life and hugged her tightly as if his desperate cry could reverse what he did or let him go with her.</em>
</p><p>******</p><p>                Peter sat down with a scream, seeing that she wasn't beside him on the bed. He didn't fight against the tears when his heart twisted in panic. He couldn't take it anymore, he wasn't able to continue supporting the world without her. He rested his head on his hands, trying to calm himself. He needed to find a direction in all of this. The team needed him.</p><p>                He staggered when he got up, still very tired from the battle with the Sovereigns hours ago. His exhausted mind and already sufficiently bruised refused to clarify what was real and what wasn't, and left his bedroom walking aimlessly through the ship, not going straight to the flight deck as he normally would. He didn't want to verify on one more of many times that Gamora wasn't there and would never be again. He knew that he hadn't killed her, that his nightmare was the result of his pain, but it hadn't terrified him less because of that.</p><p>                Peter walked through every empty room on the ship, his heart racing at each empty room. For an instant he didn't know what to do, he needed to put his head in place, maybe listen to his zune while looking at the stars, even though he hasn't been listening too much music lately. Then he walked to the deck, and found that he never took a more relieved breath when his mind finally woke up. Gamora heard him, and immediately got up from his chair when she turned and saw him cry, carrying the blanket around her shoulders.</p><p>                “Thank God...”  he murmured on her shoulder when Gamora hugged him and stroked his hair.</p><p>                “Peter…”</p><p>                “I…”</p><p>                “You can talk,” she replied softly kissing his face. “What happened?”</p><p>                Peter only loved her even more when she hugged him, letting him cry and speaking to him in the sweetest voice he had ever heard from anyone.</p><p>                “Honey, let's go somewhere else,” she said, gently letting go and holding his hand.</p><p>                Peter nodded and let her guide him to the living room of the ship, where they used to play cards, plan their missions and travel plans. Gamora increased the size of the retractable sofa and made him lie down with her there, pulling two pillows to support their heads and placing the blanket over them. She dried his tears and stroked his face.</p><p>                “Hey,” she spoke softly. “My Star Lord, are you okay?”</p><p>                Peter took a few breaths. He had missed it so much! Her saying that he was <em>her</em> Star Lord.</p><p>                “Are we really awake?”</p><p>                “Yes, I guarantee you. I couldn't sleep, a lot to think about. You looked exhausted, I didn't want to wake you up. I'm sorry for this.”</p><p>                “I don't want to sleep anymore. It gets worse and worse.”</p><p>                “You need to sleep. The less we sleep the longer we'll take to recover from all of this. But if you tell me what you saw, we can talk about it, and do something about it.”</p><p>                Gamora didn't scold him when new tears escaped his green eyes before Peter finally told her.</p><p>                “I pulled the trigger. He didn't stopped me. Your look at me was so real. Your blood on my hands was so real. I woke up thinking I was holding you for real.”</p><p>                Her expression tightened in sadness and she felt her own eyes moisten, remembering that when she died in Vormir all she wanted in her last seconds was him.</p><p>                “My love…” she spoke softly, stroking the face of her Earthman. “Come here.”</p><p>                Gamora pulled him back to her and tangled her fingers in his ginger hair, massaging the strands lovingly.</p><p>                “When I fell in Vormir... All I wanted was you.”</p><p>                Peter's crying got louder for a second and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.</p><p>                “Sorry... I'm sorry. You've suffered so much, Mora ...”</p><p>                “Peter, what I went through in no way lessens what you feel. Our lives are now one. If you feel pain, I feel the same, and I know that the opposite too. Let's find a way to get through this together. We'll be fine. I love you more than anything and it's the only thing I want you to focus on right now.”</p><p>                He shuddered a few times as he tried to calm himself and slowly his tears stopped. Gamora continued to hug him and stroke his hair until he was completely calm.</p><p>                Peter was leaning over her as he hugged her, his face hidden in her shoulder. As the seconds passed, his breathing became slower and his heart more stable. Gamora held him tighter and reversed his positions, without moving away from him, finally managing to face him and wipe the remaining tears on his face.</p><p>                “We are fine, and we'll continue fine now,” she told him quietly. “I love you, and we'll be fine here, sleeping or awake, until you are fine. I'll take care of you like you took care of me every night I woke up with nightmares before it all happened.”</p><p>                She felt she had a victory when Peter finally smiled at her, despite his red eyes.</p><p>                “I love you so much,” he said.</p><p>                “And me you,” she smiled back, leaning on his chest to reach his lips and kiss them for a long time.</p><p>                “I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>                “You're a man of honor, who guided us to save the galaxy three times, and who always did the right thing and took care of our family despite all the difficult things that he went through. You deserve to be happy, and I guarantee that you'll never lack love, especially from me.”</p><p>                “I think the universe loves me.”</p><p>                He finally smiled as he should have, the Peter Quill smile that she loved so much, and Gamora had to smile together and laugh softly.</p><p>                “I love you so much,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him again. “And I intend to never change that.”</p><p>                His hand on her back went up to stroke her hair, and Gamora settled on his chest, her favorite place to sleep.</p><p>                “Let's do something to help with that.”</p><p>                “If one of us gets up in the middle of the night without the other, we can leave a note stuck in the door,” Peter suggested.</p><p>                “This is a good idea.”</p><p>                They were silent for some time.</p><p>                “Good?” She asked.</p><p>                “Now I am. Really.”</p><p>                Peter felt her smile and nothing else was needed, until Gamora's movements indicated that she was threatening to get up. He was going to ask what was wrong when he was surprised to hear her open the God Slayer, whose metallic sound echoed through the room, so he understood what she had heard when he heard the footsteps of Rocket, Drax, Mantis, Groot, Thor and until Nebula moving away, or rather, running, as far as possible from the closed room door. Peter laughed.</p><p>                “Does it still work? Even if they know that you're not really going to kill anyone.”</p><p>                “I brought them up well,” she smiled.</p><p>                He laughed again.</p><p>                “I think <em>‘I trained them well to recognize the sound of a threat’</em> would be the most appropriate placement.”</p><p>                Gamora laughed along with him.</p><p>                “Do you know. It's our secret, but in the end you are the authority on this ship.”</p><p>                She laughed again as she put away her retractable sword and curled up on him again.</p><p>                “It doesn't seem like a secret to me, but I'll let you think that.”</p><p>                Peter laughed, they both knew it was no secret to anyone that Gamora was the “mother” of the house in Benatar.</p><p>                “They're worried about you,” she said.</p><p>                “And about you.”</p><p>                “We can worry about that in the morning. It's comfortable and warm here.”</p><p>                “It's great for me.”</p><p>                “For me too.”</p><p>                The gentle strokes and the slow breaths took them this time to dreams much more peaceful and happy.</p><p>
  
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